‘The Secrets of Parrot’ by Ray Cates

Even if you’ve been a big hotsy-totsy in regular life, after your 60 things shade to grey.  In my case my wife divorced me.  Well it was to her advantage, she got half my community property.  Half of our three houses, bank accounts and all the hell else!  Well the important thing is always sex, and that dribbled and then died.  She moved to Miami and I think bought a boat.  She sent one of our friends a picture of her with the 7 Cuban boys that navigated her around. I thought only men went wild in their old age for young stuff?

So Boston is a nice town and I still had gobs and piles of money.  Living as long as I had I was accustomed to rather literate and well educated women.  I knew there were shop-girls and secretaries, but I needed better stuff.  I began to focus on women who were of marriage age, but somehow had not connected.  I was sure lots of willing ladies had not been somehow asked the right ways.

I was really looking for a ticket to the rejects. I had built several really great industries where the substance was at bottom thin air and fluffy looking home offices.  So why not create a whole substance of organization to snare women who don’t know how to get a man.  I could teach them, and do it without divorce, regular marriage, or job problems.  All I needed was a system and the biggest scams in the world were organized churches, so I would  build a church of marriage, that women would think was for them.  I went to church socials, internet sites, and AA meetings and met women who either wanted drinking buddies, or sex leading to marriage.  Marriage was the key, and I planned to make my church like that, not that, but like that.

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I compiled my list of wants as a man:

1. Frequent sex

2. Intelligent talk –not just a bunch of  blond hair with nothing but head between the ears.

3. No divorce.

That seems like a few practical wants, but it was not part of the package that society was selling to needful men.  Even very well to do men like me would have to go to foreign countries to get woman like that, and never bring them back to the U.S.A.

I had belonged to a men’s group called The Cavaliers.  It was a local group of Boston men, all completely secret, financial in nature, where men had a secret handshake, meetings in the woods at midnight, and there was an encrypted handbook of 200 pages of utter nonsense.

The real secret of Cavaliers was that brothers helped brothers to become at least rich, in my case made my million into many.  That’s why my wife could afford 7 Cuban boys. I got real help from the Cavaliers, but in the fine print of the papers we agreed to, out in the woods certain officers of the club got to screw the lessor members in the bung hole.  Only really stiff pricks got chosen as a Field Cavalier, like me, and there were hundreds of Limp Dicks, called Strikers who were never chosen for greatness because of Looks, Likeability, or Licking ability.  The apex of the Cavalier experience was to become a billionaire and well I got tired of just making money after the wife skipped with her half.

Cavaliers was a wonderful organization, it worked and kept working, met it’s goals: Money and the winners had all the male ass they wanted to screw, in fact begging for it and going far into the woods to get it.

I was only in the Cavaliers for the money.  I always liked women better, much better.

So my wife went off when I was 60 and she was 42 (or so she said).  Women seemed to be rather cured of a raging sex drive at once after the marriage ceremony.  They have it all and so they are waving at everyone from the top of the big pile.  It is like for men being into billions without a community property law. At least I didn’t have minor children or she would have left me naked crying on the street and would check my tin cup daily.

So women have deep needs, they need marriage, and a sap to make their dreams come true.

I developed Parrot to meet the needs of men, and on the side my needs.  I made it a secret church like the Catholic one or Scientology.  No one needs to know how the chief priest gets paid, or how much in fringe benefits (not money) he gets.

I thought up Parrot because divorce messed up everything for me, but my real  parrot was Elmer, and my wife didn’t want him because he constantly said, ‘God Damn’.  I didn’t teach him that, he learned it from his previous owner. Elmer’s mate died and he had trouble adapting to a new one.  I tried several and maybe he just didn’t take to Zin, Mossy, or Benzy  because they didn’t suit him in intellect.  Zin could only say, ‘Treat’.

I still had a considerable amount of money and I knew how to launch a campaign, I lived in Boston and so  Boston became THE MOTHER CHURCH OF PARROT – The Church of Forever Marriage

It was a total secret from the public, no special on CNN or spread in the Sunday Religious News Page.  Absolutely none of that.

Secret like Cavalier.  Those that I used to launch it I had threatened with death if they talked about it.  Most knew nothing except the job I assigned to each operative.  At first I did a test run in just the Boston market area.

My inspiration was all the intelligent looking women I saw walking alone and sitting in coffee shops around Boston College.  They were well dressed and lonely looking, but busy with study, newspapers, cell phones or just eating.  I though up reasons to speak with them like Sandy wore heavy glasses , a dress that was long and severe.  I claimed to be waiting for my grand daughter, and my line after drinking coffee with her was, “How is a beautiful doctor like you not married yet to one handsome guy or another?”

Well that was enough for Sandy, she told me her life story and about no dates, no internet site efforts.  She was interested in men, but knew most men were brutes, and she was mostly a feminist.  She was open to a marriage where her husband agreed to do half the  chores, and of course more when babies arrived –if she chose to have any.  She would decide after seeing how the marriage was going.  I  concluded that the DNA of Sandy would be lost to the human pool without my new born Parrot.

To get women like Sandy to sign a contract like I signed in Cavalier, but giving the babes all the things they wanted meant that I had to first guarantee marriage, make selection to Parrot exclusive, for only the best professional and achieving women, who mostly had plenty of money and offer.  Most women who have enough money to qualify by college, profession, money will also look rather good: their teeth will be fixed, they will be seeing a good shrink, and any facial problems will be cured with money.  The marriage guarantee will be listed at 90%, but if a man does not pick them they can try again.  The trick is they will have to be a guide for some other woman to get in Parrot, someone we choose and she goes after.  If at some point a woman tries over and over with no success, then she can volunteer to quit.  Then by contract she will be placed.  Placement will be with J. Herbert Browner or some of his select old friends. We can’t let unused and unmarried rejects go out an slime our program.

There would be steps in Parrot like N.A. or A.A., but in Parrot most women would get the man of their dreams.  Women would think that Parrot was controlled by all women, and men would be sure that men were running Parrot.  It will be in fact a secret church, tax exempt.  We would list ten attributes women would all like very much and guarantee ten men who would meet 6 out of 10 things she wants and let the men choose as the women walked around tables dressed in formal gowns.  It was a high class meeting and mating, but we would camouflage the meeting place by using bars near universities as the viewing areas.  Women would prepare for the procedure, men would just be instructed about the type of women and that they would be allowed to pick any number of women and what man wouldn’t go in a have a go at it.  After all each woman he picked would add to his total net worth.  It was like a cattle rancher deciding how many head he wanted to handle, when the market was booming.

Ten well qualified men could go to the enterprise and pick every night there was an open table at the bar displays.  Now I’m 60, and not young Jack Kennedy or Albert Einstein –some of the types of men invited to our special, secret, walk around tables ritual.  Women walk around and show off their bodies, and men are free to choose as many as they want.(we have a hundred women each night for ten very qualified men.  None of the men is older than age 30.  We actually list our boot camp qualified women.

When a woman is picked circling a table, the man takes her to a private room to check her out. Each of the women has attended a special boot camp, for 3 weeks, and paid $10,000. to be able to participate in Parrot selection.

The boot camp presents the truth of Parrot to women gently, but it teaches women submission to men.

The first group of trainees were taught by actresses hired from mostly Hollywood.  Five of the first group of paid workers were so well qualified they were allowed to walk in the first bar showing.  Some of the actors went inside colleges to befriend and snare qualified women.  The very best students were targets for Parrot. The first boot camps started during the college break for Christmas.  They made ready for a Spring semester mating.

To keep everything secret we hired agents to spread rumors of bad things happening to those who tried to tell the secrets of Parrot. No one was actually killed, but several were sent to far away places for mental psychiatrist treatment. When they surfaced they might remember their name, but couldn’t spell it.

The main secret of boot camp or in the men’s contract is: you get what you want, but you can’t drop out.  Within 1 year J. Herbert Browner had accumulated 20 total looser women.  They didn’t want to walk around tables anymore and not be picked, so they married J. Herbert and were very happy to have him. One had attended the display 5 times, and she was one a the richest girls who had ever signed up. Her name was Darlene, but J. Herbert changed it to his wife’s old name, cause he was accustomed to that.

After 5 years the 4 richest men in the world were from Parrot.  There was never a divorce from Parrot because women are rendered helpless to complain and men have nothing to complain about.

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Ray Cates is a teacher and writer in Ocala Florida

Some other stories are: http://awhichisit.wordpress.com  A high school club story of sex and a battle of the sexes.

http://aseriousoffer.wordpress.com  The first act of the above ‘Secrets’ story.

http://eatsand1.wordpress.com  Another start up religion story.

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Men and women would like the ‘forever’ part, no divorce.  If a man or women tried to divorce all their property and bank accounts would by contract go to their church of Parrot.  The church was owned by J. Herbert Browner.

The Church of the Talking Bird, or Parrot